When Plan A Is Not Enough
We're all going to the zoo tomorrow, zoo tomorrow...or the seaside...or some other prearranged alternative
As I've said before, we have a 17 year old son called Sam who is on the Autistic Spectrum. Sam is now a model of (almost) perfect behaviour but this wasn't always the case....
In the early days nothing upset Sam more than suddenly changing the plan. Cancelling a pre-planned event, changing a destination or just switching his expected sandwich filling.
This almost drove us mad until we realised exactly what was causing the random meltdowns.
For instance, we had a number of occasions when I needed picking up from work and we always used the same route home. However one day we'd decided to stop off at the local supermarket on the way home. When we turned left instead of right at the roundabout Sam started to cry and shout. In-between wracking sobs (his, not ours) we managed to elicit that he was upset because we had deviated from our normal route. He was so upset that we had to abandon our shopping trip and instead head back home.
On another occasion we were at the seaside and Sam wanted to spend some of his money on a particular slot machine that he had enjoyed the previous day.
Today it was out of order and despite their being other machines that were similar he refused to leave the machine until it was fixed - unfortunately it wasn't going to be fixed and he had to be carried screaming and yelling out of the arcade. I finally calmed him down by walking the entire length of the seafront (about a mile each way) and getting him to shout out the numbers on ALL of the beach huts. Thank goodness for numbers.
So, how do you survive a day out with a child on the spectrum?
1. Always have a plan B and C and if possible D
As anyone who remembers The A-Team will know, we all love it when a plan comes together, however this is not always the case. All sorts of things can throw your meticulously planned day into disarray. Whether it is the weather, traffic, closure of venue due to unforeseen circumstances or just plain old bad luck it is best to have something to fall back on.
If you are going out then have a few alternative destinations in mind, make sure you know the opening times and any special requirements for entry.
Have a couple of activities that do not involve going very far or even staying at home as today is the day the car decides not to play the game.
2. Always explain what plan B is
Most importantly of all make sure everyone knows the full revised plan. This way it doesn't come as a shock when you suddenly change the primary objective. We found that if Sam was fully clued up on the alternatives then he stayed calm and happy.
3. Distractions
We used two types of distractions to mitigate a potential disaster.
a) Things - this could be a bag of fidget toys to distract Sam when things were not progressing as fast as he would like - Traffic jams, breakdowns, arriving too early etc. or Ice Cream, that wonderful cure all that can distract most kids and also many adults from a less than satisfactory situation. We found that hand-held games consoles were perfect for Sam but make sure they are fully charged or you'll find that the item you put so much faith in suddenly becomes the source of misery
Best idea is to keep a selection of items that are likely to work in the boot or backpack just in case.
b) Places or landmarks - As I said earlier Sam was always in love with numbers and we could use this to our advantage when used as a distraction - counting cars, birds, people with ginger hair - anything that takes their mind off whatever is bothering them. The beach huts was a great one for Sam as they were all numbered - I could've done without the extended walk though.
Pointing out interesting things in the vicinity also worked and even gave a good opportunity for interaction - as Sam got older he developed a fascination for history so could be distracted by historical tales of the local area or nearby buildings - we love a guide book.
4. Removal from the upsetting situation
If distraction fails then we found that if we removed Sam from the source of distress then he eventually forgot why he was upset and started to take an interest in his new surroundings. We were sometimes able to take him for a drive in the car for 15 minutes and then return to our original destination but avoid the cause of the meltdown.
In a worse-case scenario we would take Sam home and revert to one of our 'close to home' plans instead - or just break out a board game.
5. Bribery
Depending on what your child likes then bribery is always an option - the aforementioned ice cream is a good one where it is available but we've used chocolate, extended time on something we'd already decided to leave or even cold hard cash - Sam could usually be persuaded to do something he didn't like if you slipped him extra pocket money
If all else fails, just pack up and go home as it is just not going to be your day and the longer your child is upset the harder it will be to pull them out of it - it also tends to fray everyone's nerves and no one ends up having a great day.
At the end of the day you want only good memories of your family days out so the more planning you do up front and the more explaining you do regarding the alternatives the more chance you have of remembering the day for all the right reasons.
And don't forget to take advantage of all the carer and disabled discounts that are available at many UK attractions. Many places also now have quiet areas where you can go if everything is getting too much. Even if they don't have anything official most will have somewhere they can use in an emergency - it pays to ask.
Follow my blog with Bloglovin
As I've said before, we have a 17 year old son called Sam who is on the Autistic Spectrum. Sam is now a model of (almost) perfect behaviour but this wasn't always the case....
In the early days nothing upset Sam more than suddenly changing the plan. Cancelling a pre-planned event, changing a destination or just switching his expected sandwich filling.This almost drove us mad until we realised exactly what was causing the random meltdowns.
For instance, we had a number of occasions when I needed picking up from work and we always used the same route home. However one day we'd decided to stop off at the local supermarket on the way home. When we turned left instead of right at the roundabout Sam started to cry and shout. In-between wracking sobs (his, not ours) we managed to elicit that he was upset because we had deviated from our normal route. He was so upset that we had to abandon our shopping trip and instead head back home.On another occasion we were at the seaside and Sam wanted to spend some of his money on a particular slot machine that he had enjoyed the previous day.
So, how do you survive a day out with a child on the spectrum?
1. Always have a plan B and C and if possible D
As anyone who remembers The A-Team will know, we all love it when a plan comes together, however this is not always the case. All sorts of things can throw your meticulously planned day into disarray. Whether it is the weather, traffic, closure of venue due to unforeseen circumstances or just plain old bad luck it is best to have something to fall back on.If you are going out then have a few alternative destinations in mind, make sure you know the opening times and any special requirements for entry.
2. Always explain what plan B is
Most importantly of all make sure everyone knows the full revised plan. This way it doesn't come as a shock when you suddenly change the primary objective. We found that if Sam was fully clued up on the alternatives then he stayed calm and happy.
3. Distractions
We used two types of distractions to mitigate a potential disaster.
a) Things - this could be a bag of fidget toys to distract Sam when things were not progressing as fast as he would like - Traffic jams, breakdowns, arriving too early etc. or Ice Cream, that wonderful cure all that can distract most kids and also many adults from a less than satisfactory situation. We found that hand-held games consoles were perfect for Sam but make sure they are fully charged or you'll find that the item you put so much faith in suddenly becomes the source of miseryBest idea is to keep a selection of items that are likely to work in the boot or backpack just in case.
b) Places or landmarks - As I said earlier Sam was always in love with numbers and we could use this to our advantage when used as a distraction - counting cars, birds, people with ginger hair - anything that takes their mind off whatever is bothering them. The beach huts was a great one for Sam as they were all numbered - I could've done without the extended walk though.Pointing out interesting things in the vicinity also worked and even gave a good opportunity for interaction - as Sam got older he developed a fascination for history so could be distracted by historical tales of the local area or nearby buildings - we love a guide book.
4. Removal from the upsetting situation
If distraction fails then we found that if we removed Sam from the source of distress then he eventually forgot why he was upset and started to take an interest in his new surroundings. We were sometimes able to take him for a drive in the car for 15 minutes and then return to our original destination but avoid the cause of the meltdown.
In a worse-case scenario we would take Sam home and revert to one of our 'close to home' plans instead - or just break out a board game.
5. Bribery
Depending on what your child likes then bribery is always an option - the aforementioned ice cream is a good one where it is available but we've used chocolate, extended time on something we'd already decided to leave or even cold hard cash - Sam could usually be persuaded to do something he didn't like if you slipped him extra pocket money
If all else fails, just pack up and go home as it is just not going to be your day and the longer your child is upset the harder it will be to pull them out of it - it also tends to fray everyone's nerves and no one ends up having a great day.
At the end of the day you want only good memories of your family days out so the more planning you do up front and the more explaining you do regarding the alternatives the more chance you have of remembering the day for all the right reasons.
And don't forget to take advantage of all the carer and disabled discounts that are available at many UK attractions. Many places also now have quiet areas where you can go if everything is getting too much. Even if they don't have anything official most will have somewhere they can use in an emergency - it pays to ask.
Follow my blog with Bloglovin
Comments
Post a Comment